Hmmmmmm

要进入20了，心情变得好沉重。莫非这是变成熟变大人的必经之路吗？
20岁，第二个10年，一只手我有5个手指头，我也未必可以屈指的把活过的年头计算完
这一路慢慢地走慢慢地走，最大的转折点应该是离乡背井吧。
剩下，过去叫什么？
心里有一种被针一刺一刺的扎着，好像我不小心落下了什么，再不抓着，就会没了的感觉。

我丢的是不是叫做青春呢？
有一种告诉自己过去执着太久，要放手了，那未来的路铺好了吗？可以行走了吗？

这个向我迎面走来的20岁，到底长什么样子？
比起迎接他，我真的真的很想用仅剩的2天好好地悼念我的19岁
还记得陪我迎来19岁的是哥哥姐姐妈妈而已，是在家里外面的麻麻档
一心期待朋友的祝福。
结果那一年的生日我总算没有孤单，因为遇见了好好朋友我们抱着然后寒暄了几句
我想说，那一种感觉还历历在目，我要的真的是你们还记得我，就足够了。

到底还有多少次，我再拿起笔或是手指敲敲键盘打出来的一字一句已经不再是和你们说以前我们多好，我多珍惜你，而是可以不拘谨的寒暄未来种种。很想很想写信给每一个还记得我的你们，我的确做过这事情，可是怎么不是每一个人都收到了？还是，我真的太微弱了？

这一次迎来的20岁，心里面真的真的只有一个很小很小但却很温暖的举动想要得到
就是我心里好惦记的大家，可以送我很简短的文字，我想大家用文字来关心我和知道我的近况，我想把这一字一句记在心里，感恩这20的第一天还有你们。

比起什么20的，我的19你可安好？今年我应该待你不薄吧，起码给了你一个新环境，那现在适应了，你可以要你的伙伴20努力的拼一拼，在这一个新天地，能否更积极些，做一些能人所做的热血事情，敢敢的打拼一个属于自己的江山回来。把自己越变越好，要善良，要上进，要有期望。

我一定要好好的策划送自己什么生日礼物，看看我怎么笑着面对我的第二个十年。

Hello 2016

That is a new year to begin everything! okay, that's a bullshit

Feels like nothing can start again over and over, 

something has happened could not be changed...but 

mindset can change!

These few weeks I was repetition to tell myself 

that what's "UNREALITY", how unrealistic was I in the past.

I feel like my time was stopped at the time when I was still in Junior's life

Everything that I have been through till now it's just a DREAM.

Not graduated yet, age still retain in 10++, Singapore is where? No college life, No FREEDOM, NO BEST FRIENDS yet, Not MATURE yet, NO NO NO, NOt Not Not...or still got this and that.. 

WOw, what a fantastic dream 

actually I thought I was not enjoyed well my life, is a fake, 

in my mind, I do have deep feelings. I can remember how you and you lighted up my life, be part of the painter to paint a colourful paintings in my memory. WHen talked about you and you and you, my heart still know how to compress and bump all the happiness and feelings like the arteries and veins to everywhere of my body, restore my energy, and stimulate enzyme to make me smile!

If without you all, it couldn't have this kind of YENLING in this world to help people in need, but I still can live well, stay strong, ha,, maybe I meet up someone better?!? to make me stronger?! I won't be so greedy okay, that's no perfect in human, if I gain achievement or honour but I lost the ego of myself, It's also considered a FAILED lifespan okay...

I have been stopped contributing ideas or benefits to this community? or my achievement board whatever...a long long time, I used a shit excuse to draw me out from helping me to build a good student image. hmmm, Say No Decadent to my life in 2016 pls. I don't want to be a coward anymore, dare to dream, dare to speak, dare to stand up for my thought! Why should I like a cow leading by people, instead of being a coward, I should be the one who hold microphone, and spreading my love and my voice to every pieces of people's ears. LEAD Lead LEAD, I can be a very good Leader in my college....but have to train well my English first!

Year 2016, I welcome for the age of 20 to put o myself, and I officially an adult, okay~

this year I got a big ambition to achieve. That is body build myself and start to find someone that will hold my hand and walk with me until the end of our life. ha, told myself find someone else I loved first then start body build myself, give a big and surprisingly gift for him, but this world is too realistic, moreover I stay in Singapore. hahaha

My comment about Love, Relationship, or good boyfriend, it just simple.

A man with passion and thought, can rely on, being responsibility, faithful, important is a good man, that's all I want. A day I just read an article mentioned that there was lot of man or woman who love their mate deeply but get hurted by them, and putting effort on finding someone who taking this relationship serious to become their soulmate, then I was just thinking, why don't these man and woman meet up and give their faith love to each other, protect and cherish each other??? hmm, you know what, I also the one who waiting my soulmate to complete our story. ha ^

I know I will have a good man to love, I trust on you my future man!

Let's putting  hopes and wishes to our new year 2016, and say hello to it, and stay strong and positively live well. Good fortune you stay beside you you and you! 

I Love You, 

闲聊1118

仿佛还是身不由己的不可以托盘而出
很想跟踪一些还在一字一句的表达情绪的部落格友
可以看看人家怎样的生活怎样的有宗旨

有点小不舍得
部落格逐渐成为被人遗忘或者觉得一无是处的网页
就像MSN被人直接关掉的下场一样

童年归童年，始终是一个逐渐越来越少的人懂得东西

很好，光荣的说，我现在开启了一半不四分之一的第二学期生涯
这一次没有再像以前的推动自己
也许为自己找了许多的烂借口吧

说这一学期的可没有什么卖点，可是抚心自问，我还是不会啊

我曾经告诉自己
不要再对过往留恋了
没有人喜欢无时无刻的倒流的
是要往前走往前看看人家更精彩的生活的


一年前，的确过了一个满满遗憾的毕业晚会
然后现在不断地捶心肝然后又怎样哈

一年前过了一个不知道什么心情的毕业典礼
咳咳，现在终于搞清楚那个心情了，可是毕业典礼上的不是我

很想很想旅行去

好吧，计划一下
美丽的国家在等我

出国的节奏

你转个头，看看自己毕业了多久，
咦，怎么学弟学妹们的联课活动要结束了？2015年要结束了吗？！？

           很快我的一个学期就快结束，再考多两张纸，就穿上制服到医院实习了。
我是一位Student Nurse，可以帮病人量血压，喂食，聊天，总觉得这一个学期的实习没有以前在圣约翰那六年般的比较有意义，以前担当起的是急救诶，帮人降低痛苦，妥善处理伤口，现在这一批的我们如果大家都是一般的学生，是没有人懂得如何处理伤口，处理紧急援救。有一点点还没有意识到的护士的重要性。

            宝贝们都陆续的要出国念书了，想想班上的人们，敬庭是最早出国的，然后小肥，然后就是我了，现在大家的出国节奏是成群的，商三的所有大宝贝们都纷纷逃去台湾一个大家庭过上好日子，大家在那边一定流连忘返哈。过后是贤贤，明天就飞去美国了诶，一个相隔13个小时的国家，生活一定不好过，如此陌生。学校神级人物琇绫姐和曾经的傻逼邻座都要飞去香港...那个傻苡萱不知道是不是真的要去澳州去了，一定要得空的时候盘问他！！哈哈哈，以前初三的朋友也成群的来了新加坡念书，大家都念NTU，多有爱啊，哈，有熟悉的脸孔一起戏耍和成长。一个一个的走，大家距离梦想，好像更靠近去了。

           我，很好。不担心。最近太惹人嫉妒了我，哈，开学至今，我已经回家六次了，明天就是第七次，重点是，大前天才从家里回来。新加坡真的和我家靠近多了，11天的study week不回家有点说不过去，因为这一次回家竟然比sem break的假期还要长，真受不了哈哈哈。这一次回去，我一定要和去台湾的你们相聚一起，因为9年后回来马来西亚的我，已经过时了，没了马来西亚的同志们，哈哈哈。别担心，能守护的我一定会守护！

          然后大家，一定要顺顺利利，你们都很棒，可以有超级无敌惹人回忆无限的大学的生活的！祝，幸福快乐，前程似锦！

变质的世界

突然，心里就是那么的不寒而栗。
看着台湾的爆炸事情牵扯在内的人
看着女人在大庭广众被人撕衣服，被拳打脚踢
看着两夫妇无缘无故的大庭广众羞辱别人，羞辱自己
看着那些青年有事没事成立面子书主页来渲染这个那个，
回想着以前发生的飞机失事，船淹没，家园摧毁，伤风日化，伤害自己，伤害别人，一堆违反了人不可以正常一点的故事吗

我突然觉得，做人很难，活着很难。
是生活是靠自己去创造的，可是在这个创造的路上，为什么大家不可以过得安心，活好自己，珍惜一点。

我不是因为身边没有值得我喜欢的东西，是我更关心这个社会的风化。我从来没有幻想过自己要成为什么伟大的人，什么要让全世界因为我而有一点点的改变，现在不会有这个想法，以后也不会要有，因为我知道社会就是一种循环恶化的东西，没有东西永恒，没有东西是和平一点。

是，没了七情六欲的人类，世界不美丽，不是世界，可是残忍的心态，自私的心态，无聊的心态，让这个世界真的真的变得很差，在我心里面，我真的不喜欢世界的不美丽，我不喜欢人与人之间的殴斗，我觉得好残忍，干嘛要自残，干嘛要把刀，把利具刺进人家的身体，为什么要让人流血，为什么要把人家的生命致死边缘。我受不了，这样的冷血，和麻木。

我想哭，因为我觉得我和现在残忍的人类，距离更远了。我很害怕，这样的世界，让以后的孩子，变成和他们一样。我很怕，大家慢慢的，逐渐的不知道什么是爱。

好残忍。好心痛。
我的世，你累了吗？ 我的眼泪也快要干了。

Hence

Dear Diary:

Time flies, i been here 3 and the half month, Try to ask myself, what else i did to make me outstanding than others or should ask what colored my life, I keep Quite, because i did nothing. That's all.

         Actually, i do think maintain a good relationship between me and my group members is the most important thing that I hope to be done. How says, I'm so glad that I have a group members that everyone has their own talent or profile technique. I love Mira has a good reading skill and a warm "chatting skill" or should say is "typing skill", thank you for ur long script in every conversation. I like Reis that creative ideas and speaking skill. I like Joyce is so so caring and like a sister and our "secretary", I like Ash like our "lecturer" hmmmm, keep on sharing us everything. Sandra, I'm sorry that I make u feel abandon, but sometime we should learn to try new things, u should challenge ur courage.

            Exam coming soon, I should advice myself to pay effort in it.

and, during typing, i start to lost, I got lot of things want to say, but i m lost,

M.I.S.S

Dear Diary:

its been a long time without you my friends.

             before 13/4/2015, i never feel i was alone, all my time was spending with my friends and family. do you noticed tat, when u graduated your primary school education, and  get ready to start ur secondary school education, although u feel strange to ur new friends, u also can contact ur dear friends to have a long chat and keep on sharing both "new experience" and time flies, you get along with your new friends in your secondary high school, when u are get ready to uni\ college's life tat is the same. The most diffrently is still contact but with a distance. i never been a month never see any single of my friends, tat feelings like lost.

yup, i have been start over my new life, i should have some mind changing, and i should be grown up, but i do miss you guys dear friends. i miss every single moment with you guys, no matter little or big business, i just felt so miss. choosing to study aboard is every little child same age with me are going to do, half of my friends also getting to Taiwan start their new life, everything started to change. people do says every step to outside, every new thought will cover ur past. we can forget our primary dear friends that is same u can forget your secondary dear friends too. i hope i wont, because adolescent of me compare to little young child of me, i know more about appreciate and love from my deep heart, this world the one who know the real you except your family that is your dear secondary friends. they saw how patient are u, how fragile are u, how truth are u, they been passing difficulties with u, our habit built up without clarify, our understanding built up by observing by playing around together for few years.

i am not mentioned that college friends are not able to being a good friends, i just miss them so much. past when i feel lost, i could find back myself from my friends, now i am lost, who should i reveal to? when i been here, i found out many things, i am not so kind, i am not so sacrified, i am not so patient, i am not so selfless, i am not so brave, i am not so lovely to hug everybody, past, a day i could hug my friends for 10++ a day, now i mind to hug ppl, so do i mind ppl hug me or close to me, its feel so akward and strange. i do believe why before i always hug you guys like a sticky candy, because i do really love you and treat u guys as my dear lover or part of my family members.

i hope i can get come soon, and every single day or moment can hug u guys deeeeeeeeeply

there are 28 days more i can see u guys, let just countdown for it.!!!!

M- memorable\ memories
I- infinity
S-surround
S-save

memories surround me always save in my heart infinity.

yenling

12/5/2015