我有一个我控制不到的人生。或是暂时控制不到。
我有一个快要散的家。
我有一个在外流浪的奶奶，
我有一个固执不解温柔的爸爸，
我有一个已失去自我的妈妈，
我有一个已经关闭心房和关心的自己。
我，无能为力。
姐姐们说，偶尔会看到奶奶一个人流浪在大街小巷里，独自一人，语言不知道还相通，我听到的是心酸。一个年迈的婆婆走在路上，我是路人我看到责怪的是他的家人们对他的忽视，和不负责任。一个老人家在一个陌生的地方，冒险的是被撞，被骗的风险，随时家里会被警察联络上说我们对老人家的疏忽照顾吧，我在等这一天，家里的大人们才会正视这个问题。再坏的人，应该也不值得这样的下场吧。对不起 奶奶，我什么都做不到，对不起真心的对不起。
谁人有能力可以让奶奶和有家的人住在一起，有人照顾奶奶，有人陪奶奶说话，有人...
你的孩子们是人吗？
为什么他们都这样？外面比你坏的人更多更坏，但为什么你落得如此。
为什么你孩子忍心看你一个人流浪，忍心看你每一天对着四面墙壁 空荡荡的家独自发呆
想说话没有人懂 想煮饭没有人吃 想问问题没有人解答
一个人老人家这个年龄不是这样的。 对不起。
我 是一个怪物
一个不孝顺 不会做家人的人
我是一个不折不扣不被人喜欢的人
对自己的家人冷言相待掩饰自己不敢说的话
对自己的朋友守候不了责怪自己的隔离
对自己的人生迷迷惑惑不负责任的自己
我的除了对不起 我真的不知道能说什么。
Hello, It's Nice To Meet You
Saturday, 26 August 2017
Wednesday, 2 August 2017
第六话 6th convo
since the very first time can sense you are there for me, after all there's like no link and connection between us anymore. I guess probably I miss you too much and u no longer existing? Am I giving up? I don't know, I was deseparated and hurt. Past few weeks my tears can fill up a big jar, my sadness as heavier as a mountain, my lips dropped till my toes. I need fresh air to breath, I need some energy to bring me up. Where are you? You don't need me at all? Why I needed you? I'm sorry.
Do u know recently I recalled back of the him. I dreamed him. I missed him. How much I wish to hug him as tight as possible, never let him go away. The post dream syndrome been making me so Low and fragile. I need a shield to protect me, I need a hand pull me out from my illusion. I need you bring me reality. Baby, I don't want to waste any one more day that can be with you. I don't want my love and care and concern and everything put on a wrong person. I wish all that belong to you only for you.
As a strong woman we need to enjoy every single day that still free from controlling, free from being someone's else, no need to think about what can do better for you, make any decision no need put anyone at first place first, do as crazy as you can, play as fun as you can...enjoy every single day that you iblybbelong to you yourself. I know, and I am. Days go by, you still wish that beside you there are someone share happiness share food share time share every feelings with you. 2is better than 1. Those freedom needed by people who used to tight with a rope and stay in a box.
Recently, exams, assignments, presentations been settled down, and life strict to nothing. Life sudden turns so meaningless and without and direction. I'm Glad that I found my habit and interests, w/o it I have no idea how bad I can turn to, how shameless I can be. Probably, workout, yoga, jogging, Swimming, walking around, exploring loneliness been occupied half of my year time, and this half year make my life so meaningful, and very passionate. I can feel how youth am I, how proud to myself.
I kinda need more exploring on my knowledge, I wish I able to read up more news and aware of the current situation, find out more interest topics, be a knowledgable person that it could be benefits on my critical thinking and the healthcare image for my future patients.
Being a year 3 nursing student, I can't wait for a chance to make myself serve for people, at the same time I do worry about my skills level appropriate to help out for patient? I doubt on myself. I only could wish I can do my best, never make mistakes that can contribute the a big complications, patient can have the best quality of care, the most important things is they able to have a fruitful and healthy life, that's all my aimed for my nursing life. I promise I will improve myself to make it as much as possible that I can :)
Do u know recently I recalled back of the him. I dreamed him. I missed him. How much I wish to hug him as tight as possible, never let him go away. The post dream syndrome been making me so Low and fragile. I need a shield to protect me, I need a hand pull me out from my illusion. I need you bring me reality. Baby, I don't want to waste any one more day that can be with you. I don't want my love and care and concern and everything put on a wrong person. I wish all that belong to you only for you.
As a strong woman we need to enjoy every single day that still free from controlling, free from being someone's else, no need to think about what can do better for you, make any decision no need put anyone at first place first, do as crazy as you can, play as fun as you can...enjoy every single day that you iblybbelong to you yourself. I know, and I am. Days go by, you still wish that beside you there are someone share happiness share food share time share every feelings with you. 2is better than 1. Those freedom needed by people who used to tight with a rope and stay in a box.
Recently, exams, assignments, presentations been settled down, and life strict to nothing. Life sudden turns so meaningless and without and direction. I'm Glad that I found my habit and interests, w/o it I have no idea how bad I can turn to, how shameless I can be. Probably, workout, yoga, jogging, Swimming, walking around, exploring loneliness been occupied half of my year time, and this half year make my life so meaningful, and very passionate. I can feel how youth am I, how proud to myself.
I kinda need more exploring on my knowledge, I wish I able to read up more news and aware of the current situation, find out more interest topics, be a knowledgable person that it could be benefits on my critical thinking and the healthcare image for my future patients.
Being a year 3 nursing student, I can't wait for a chance to make myself serve for people, at the same time I do worry about my skills level appropriate to help out for patient? I doubt on myself. I only could wish I can do my best, never make mistakes that can contribute the a big complications, patient can have the best quality of care, the most important things is they able to have a fruitful and healthy life, that's all my aimed for my nursing life. I promise I will improve myself to make it as much as possible that I can :)
Saturday, 8 July 2017
5th convo
hey yo,
knowing that i was sitting one of the boxes in national museum and doing my assignments plus texting you.
so bae, im wondering arent you just behind me, can sense the feeling from the fist day of our conversation, but after all, cant sense u anymore. but just wish that i will leave u a msg. i think of it, even i fine day i let u read all these msg, but u didnt even rmb that whr were you, what you did, and maybe u just normal like nobody business?
who knows.
just receive a text msg, and i read it with my imaginary happily smile.
one of my friend said:
yenling, we knew that if u meet ur mr.right, both of u must be so sweet and happiness.
thanks, i wish it too. that someone who filled mylife, and i enlighten him life too.
anw, recently was so busy, kind of like overwhelmed feelings.
final year project, assignments, group works, presentation, social, friendship, and my hobbies, all my time was so packed. can i breath a fresh O2 just so sweet and simple.
but i do enjoy. its just running out of time, i wish time could be slower down, and making it longer, eventhough it dragged the time that we can meet each other, but i rather to enjoy my study life first.
Do u know that, my video production was done, and it was done so beautifully tho it wasnt what i wanted at first, but it get good feedback! and people like it! through this group work cooperation, i learned so much, i know my personality quite hard to just follow people that weaker than me, but i learned how to put down my insistence and learn to listen and accept everyone hard work, and we shared, we amend it, the outcome is belong to us. not only me. thanks mush for ur video requiceit, for ur time for ur editing skills, thanks peiwen for ur script for ur ideas, thanks sumyat being a very good actor in this video without u without this video, and thnaks for my over acting and my drama brain juice, make a storyline, become a director. one of my milestone for this year achievement you know.
and bae, i got to pick up my work, talk u when i was free!
take good care'1
knowing that i was sitting one of the boxes in national museum and doing my assignments plus texting you.
so bae, im wondering arent you just behind me, can sense the feeling from the fist day of our conversation, but after all, cant sense u anymore. but just wish that i will leave u a msg. i think of it, even i fine day i let u read all these msg, but u didnt even rmb that whr were you, what you did, and maybe u just normal like nobody business?
who knows.
just receive a text msg, and i read it with my imaginary happily smile.
one of my friend said:
yenling, we knew that if u meet ur mr.right, both of u must be so sweet and happiness.
thanks, i wish it too. that someone who filled mylife, and i enlighten him life too.
anw, recently was so busy, kind of like overwhelmed feelings.
final year project, assignments, group works, presentation, social, friendship, and my hobbies, all my time was so packed. can i breath a fresh O2 just so sweet and simple.
but i do enjoy. its just running out of time, i wish time could be slower down, and making it longer, eventhough it dragged the time that we can meet each other, but i rather to enjoy my study life first.
Do u know that, my video production was done, and it was done so beautifully tho it wasnt what i wanted at first, but it get good feedback! and people like it! through this group work cooperation, i learned so much, i know my personality quite hard to just follow people that weaker than me, but i learned how to put down my insistence and learn to listen and accept everyone hard work, and we shared, we amend it, the outcome is belong to us. not only me. thanks mush for ur video requiceit, for ur time for ur editing skills, thanks peiwen for ur script for ur ideas, thanks sumyat being a very good actor in this video without u without this video, and thnaks for my over acting and my drama brain juice, make a storyline, become a director. one of my milestone for this year achievement you know.
and bae, i got to pick up my work, talk u when i was free!
take good care'1
Friday, 7 July 2017
第三次对话
坐在地铁内，不断的挣扎于礼让 与 尊重.
是我忧心 我知道.
是我复杂 我也知道.
会有人觉得自己应该要被让座，但却从不显示需要
会有人觉得被让座，是太老？ 太占位子？
会有人觉得我没事我很好不要紧.
人性纠缠的就是那种让与不让的斟酌.
朋友觉得不应该理会这么多，有需要的他们就会自己要求，干嘛要自寻烦恼.
未来，想要好好的照顾年迈的老年人，而我又会自己在瞎操心什么自尊与不自尊，尊重与不尊重的态度.
李彦凌，我知道老人科很难，很多琐碎的事情，但你心里要着的就是好好的照顾各个老人家的身体！自己家里年迈的长者也学不会照顾，却需要靠着外面的感受体验让我放下执着，学会以心待人，而不是以故事待人.
这一天个早晨，我还没笑起来，那你呢.
你却会站在那一个位子，做着什么样的思考.
你知道我也自己有一个约定吗。
每一天起床后 一定要给自己一个微笑，然后和人开始说早安，来打开我的心情。
但是我每一天都失败，明明看似很简单，但其实做起来很难.
有人问我说，我怎么看起来 每一天都要好好的，其实自己给自己的能量很重要，看见别人笑着打招呼 也会点燃自己开心的火种.
是我忧心 我知道.
是我复杂 我也知道.
会有人觉得自己应该要被让座，但却从不显示需要
会有人觉得被让座，是太老？ 太占位子？
会有人觉得我没事我很好不要紧.
人性纠缠的就是那种让与不让的斟酌.
朋友觉得不应该理会这么多，有需要的他们就会自己要求，干嘛要自寻烦恼.
未来，想要好好的照顾年迈的老年人，而我又会自己在瞎操心什么自尊与不自尊，尊重与不尊重的态度.
李彦凌，我知道老人科很难，很多琐碎的事情，但你心里要着的就是好好的照顾各个老人家的身体！自己家里年迈的长者也学不会照顾，却需要靠着外面的感受体验让我放下执着，学会以心待人，而不是以故事待人.
这一天个早晨，我还没笑起来，那你呢.
你却会站在那一个位子，做着什么样的思考.
你知道我也自己有一个约定吗。
每一天起床后 一定要给自己一个微笑，然后和人开始说早安，来打开我的心情。
但是我每一天都失败，明明看似很简单，但其实做起来很难.
有人问我说，我怎么看起来 每一天都要好好的，其实自己给自己的能量很重要，看见别人笑着打招呼 也会点燃自己开心的火种.
- 我有着早上醒来后睡不醒的室友们，大家一起笑不出，大家一起拖着疲惫的身体，就已经是一天不怎么活跃的开始了.但庆幸，一天的结束前，大家却又热起来，像烟火一样美丽.
Thursday, 6 July 2017
第二次对话
醒来后，想和你说句的强烈感不存在.
人生，好像真的还蛮需要有自己的规划 做一些事情，但可以实践的时候，却也需要过去所累积的经验，经济，和胆量.
对于未来虽然憧憬，虽然充满着很多不知道，
但我还是会偷偷的贪心的想一想.
我想说世界那么大的我这一生一定不能每一个地方也到的了，万一以后什么冬瓜豆腐发生了，经济有了问题，其实出国寻找一些会爱上的地方 也成了奢侈.
也许 我要的不是很多，但却很奢望.
很想很想：
到一个山谷，在一个清澈的 湖流里自由遨游. 身体练得不错也许是时候来个水中瑜伽 😜
到一个清澈，浅碧绿的海边 携手走过多少个夕阳.
到一个小小乡村，看看云，看看星，饲养动物，烹调着新鲜的蔬果.
到一个 会让人放心 开心 自由 爱笑的地方，做一个好好的反省.
再续.
现在还年轻，还可以谈梦。
有能力的时候就尽力的让自己有目标一些，
起码到哪一天真的能实现也会感激自己.
人生，好像真的还蛮需要有自己的规划 做一些事情，但可以实践的时候，却也需要过去所累积的经验，经济，和胆量.
对于未来虽然憧憬，虽然充满着很多不知道，
但我还是会偷偷的贪心的想一想.
我想说世界那么大的我这一生一定不能每一个地方也到的了，万一以后什么冬瓜豆腐发生了，经济有了问题，其实出国寻找一些会爱上的地方 也成了奢侈.
也许 我要的不是很多，但却很奢望.
很想很想：
到一个山谷，在一个清澈的 湖流里自由遨游. 身体练得不错也许是时候来个水中瑜伽 😜
到一个清澈，浅碧绿的海边 携手走过多少个夕阳.
到一个小小乡村，看看云，看看星，饲养动物，烹调着新鲜的蔬果.
到一个 会让人放心 开心 自由 爱笑的地方，做一个好好的反省.
再续.
现在还年轻，还可以谈梦。
有能力的时候就尽力的让自己有目标一些，
起码到哪一天真的能实现也会感激自己.
Wednesday, 5 July 2017
第一次对话
那个，以后和我走完我下半辈子的你，在干嘛。
突然心里寒了一下，你是否在经历一些很刻骨铭心的事情？
我好想认识你，或是说早点认识你，早点懂你，早点进入你的世界。
我们的人生都不是很长，但在等待相遇的那一天，却也耗掉了一大堆可以保护彼此的时间。
我想更懂你，我想珍惜每一个可以看到你的日子，
不知道你是谁，但，当你出现，我一定会好好爱你。
起码我现在是爱着那个未知。
起码我会想念你。
起码我会惦记着你现在开心难过，自暴自弃还是拼命的努力达成目标。
我想告诉你，我现在好难过好挣扎，
一种感觉就是知道可以尽力，但却使不出任何的力量往前走。
如果你在，是否可以瞪着我，要我完成我的事情才可以让我躺在你的肩膀上，
是否我努力到我自己也满意了，你才允许我被你抱在怀里。
我的世界怎样都放不进朋友可以帮你做的事情。
我很多很多自己，很多小动作，一直一直都在等你出现了才可以做。
当我自己在原地踱步，却不想被人看见的懦弱，我只想让你看见。
当我很狡猾的在做一些自己知道的白痴事情，我只想逗笑的人是你。
当我想做自己想做的事情的时候，你会是那个和我志同道合的人。
我真的好想知道我们会如何相遇。
我会讨厌你吗？
我会一眼就很喜欢你了吗？
你会让我仰慕，支持你吗？
想在你每一孤单的时候，陪着你，做你的那个专属。
偶尔做一下那个让你朋友羡慕的女朋友，
偶尔做一下让你生气但却心疼的野蛮女友，
偶尔做一个你不说话但却在你身边把你安抚下来的治愈者
你在哪里。
如果我知道了。
一定奋不顾身的出现。
我的人生是有很多很完美的事情可以去做。
但我这一生投胎了做了李彦凌，而这个角色，
却只想找到你，做那个属于你的他，尽力地爱着你，
尽力的和你数数人生的每一天。
不是没有大志，
我只想我的所有你可以参与，
你的起起落落我也在你身边。
我要的不只是和你共享结果，
我更想和你共患难。
我的你，我爱你。
我的你，一定要好好的等到我们相遇的那一天好吗，
我的你，记得做自己想做的，照顾自己，不可以生病，你一定要健健康康
保持健康的身体，能和我活多久，就活多久。这就是我想给你的任务。
我答应你，我不会糟蹋自己，再难等，也会等到你的出现。
以后我会好好的写下想和你说和你分享的，等那一天我们真的在一起了，
那就是我们的对话。
不要觉得我白痴哦，我真的只想你在我身边听我说说，被我关心下，
跟我一起，你会更白目的哈哈哈。
好吧，我会好好的准备考试，
那你也要好好的收拾心情振作起来，让自己开开心心的完成。
然后继续思考你要怎样遇到我！
05072017 1139时 NYP Library LVL 5
突然心里寒了一下，你是否在经历一些很刻骨铭心的事情？
我好想认识你，或是说早点认识你，早点懂你，早点进入你的世界。
我们的人生都不是很长，但在等待相遇的那一天，却也耗掉了一大堆可以保护彼此的时间。
我想更懂你，我想珍惜每一个可以看到你的日子，
不知道你是谁，但，当你出现，我一定会好好爱你。
起码我现在是爱着那个未知。
起码我会想念你。
起码我会惦记着你现在开心难过，自暴自弃还是拼命的努力达成目标。
我想告诉你，我现在好难过好挣扎，
一种感觉就是知道可以尽力，但却使不出任何的力量往前走。
如果你在，是否可以瞪着我，要我完成我的事情才可以让我躺在你的肩膀上，
是否我努力到我自己也满意了，你才允许我被你抱在怀里。
我的世界怎样都放不进朋友可以帮你做的事情。
我很多很多自己，很多小动作，一直一直都在等你出现了才可以做。
当我自己在原地踱步，却不想被人看见的懦弱，我只想让你看见。
当我很狡猾的在做一些自己知道的白痴事情，我只想逗笑的人是你。
当我想做自己想做的事情的时候，你会是那个和我志同道合的人。
我真的好想知道我们会如何相遇。
我会讨厌你吗？
我会一眼就很喜欢你了吗？
你会让我仰慕，支持你吗？
想在你每一孤单的时候，陪着你，做你的那个专属。
偶尔做一下那个让你朋友羡慕的女朋友，
偶尔做一下让你生气但却心疼的野蛮女友，
偶尔做一个你不说话但却在你身边把你安抚下来的治愈者
你在哪里。
如果我知道了。
一定奋不顾身的出现。
我的人生是有很多很完美的事情可以去做。
但我这一生投胎了做了李彦凌，而这个角色，
却只想找到你，做那个属于你的他，尽力地爱着你，
尽力的和你数数人生的每一天。
不是没有大志，
我只想我的所有你可以参与，
你的起起落落我也在你身边。
我要的不只是和你共享结果，
我更想和你共患难。
我的你，我爱你。
我的你，一定要好好的等到我们相遇的那一天好吗，
我的你，记得做自己想做的，照顾自己，不可以生病，你一定要健健康康
保持健康的身体，能和我活多久，就活多久。这就是我想给你的任务。
我答应你，我不会糟蹋自己，再难等，也会等到你的出现。
以后我会好好的写下想和你说和你分享的，等那一天我们真的在一起了，
那就是我们的对话。
不要觉得我白痴哦，我真的只想你在我身边听我说说，被我关心下，
跟我一起，你会更白目的哈哈哈。
好吧，我会好好的准备考试，
那你也要好好的收拾心情振作起来，让自己开开心心的完成。
然后继续思考你要怎样遇到我！
05072017 1139时 NYP Library LVL 5
Saturday, 13 May 2017
message to myself
hey tho, i have nothing to talk about, but just feeling like wanna start typing out what come across.
currently just out my head under in-charge of final year project video filming. it was like director, narrator? funny thing was just realized been trying hard to work in team.. i mean, ya group work is good, but some how just idea been delivered and no one care about it..or been used to that people need to follow according mine? or either i follow them? its terrible if cant suit myself into others. its like non productive work seh..
its a must to learn listening and thinking whats wrong whats right. and have a good decision making in a rational phase. being a leader i dont think i am that material, but surrender myself to do good my task i will be a good choice of follower or working partner. ha perhaps.
nothing just happen out of the blue, its just my mind shut on so sudden. and lead me to feel overwhelmed. the workloads, the worries, the responsibilities just like mountain that kind can suffocate me.
i have no idea i been put myself in what position, what kind of attitude to making things right and good, but i must make it clear to myself that, i must make some flying color on my task, at least done it perfectly with my best effort.
so dear lee yen ling, u better listen clear now,
now itsnt a game or a dream. u have to take action, and push urself hard and move move move. pls just say no to stop, later, give up or any damn suck words. u have to be the one that u like to put in effort and doing good things, and impressed people that kind.
i never and ever allow u social loafting from ur grp work and either ur video. do something that u want, no something a homework only. do something big!
currently just out my head under in-charge of final year project video filming. it was like director, narrator? funny thing was just realized been trying hard to work in team.. i mean, ya group work is good, but some how just idea been delivered and no one care about it..or been used to that people need to follow according mine? or either i follow them? its terrible if cant suit myself into others. its like non productive work seh..
its a must to learn listening and thinking whats wrong whats right. and have a good decision making in a rational phase. being a leader i dont think i am that material, but surrender myself to do good my task i will be a good choice of follower or working partner. ha perhaps.
nothing just happen out of the blue, its just my mind shut on so sudden. and lead me to feel overwhelmed. the workloads, the worries, the responsibilities just like mountain that kind can suffocate me.
i have no idea i been put myself in what position, what kind of attitude to making things right and good, but i must make it clear to myself that, i must make some flying color on my task, at least done it perfectly with my best effort.
so dear lee yen ling, u better listen clear now,
now itsnt a game or a dream. u have to take action, and push urself hard and move move move. pls just say no to stop, later, give up or any damn suck words. u have to be the one that u like to put in effort and doing good things, and impressed people that kind.
i never and ever allow u social loafting from ur grp work and either ur video. do something that u want, no something a homework only. do something big!
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