Adulting

so it's been more than a year, I started to write. or type. 

just simple update that. all my clinical attachment and posting was over. even my probation over too. I am no longer work at NTFGH. the current was at AH a new set up hospital. the story was this newly hospital need staffs, and other batch mates and I was told that we are the lucky ones to get chosen to be AH pioneer group of staff. so end up the rest of my 6 years bonding will occur here. it's about my future, my life that gonna happen over here.

if comment anything regards this, I would say I was lucky? or shuai? over AH slight different from a hospital setting, it runs under rehabilitation, either way, to mention like a higher standard of a nursing home? workload different from a huge hospital setting. here's about ADL's and if never improve you could be the left over. knowledge over here slightly limited compared to others. but the truth is at least lesser stress or failures? I know it's sound really no initiative and passionate. but it's not really my choice. or I could change but I have no big ambition and urge for needs.

anyway, my life in AH was still lucky, I worked in ward 11 at first, I met a good sister supervisor and my great preceptor Ate Nelia, she also news as me in ah but she did works 13 years in NUH in haematology ward, it's really challenging and more experienced and seniors. she treats me not so close but like a friend, we learn from each other and deal with each other, thus there are more good seniors inward, I learned from different people, I have my happiest time over there. about December, told that ward 2 and 3 need to open, and we have to split. that time said that the majority of us will stay together, ended up story different. all seniors get resigned or transferred, it's really left with little of us. at least all ANS still together, the most terrible thing is there are Senja staff who join with us, is join or combine or get hacked? haaaa, need time to tell the story. I am not offended. just when they come and change us a lot. We no longer run as usual or before, we run the ward like how they used to be. the attitude the working pattern really different. we trained to holistic, but ended up we left alone to fight. that period of time, I just passed out for 1 month, and I truly lost and need to balance my task.

but good things are learned something from gen meds to rehab knowledge. over this ward this is my another fulfilling. though still got a lot of patients will stay for a certain period and patients become our friend, but the turn over still acceptable. Those patients from the different age range and 80% of them the pre-morbid were independently and well. just bad luck happened to get to fall sick, stroke attack, traumatic injuries and etc. so the purpose of admitted was to gain back the self-care ability get and get improved.  I have a few cases impressed me. Mr And. he has suffered a high fall traumatic brain and spine injuries, as his father told me, at ICU time or post-operation stage, doctors and team told that to have mentally prepared it might come to the end of his life, or unable to get recover, but the magic did happen. he gets to stable and gain back consciousness and transferred to our AH for rehab. he was from a bedbound patient that needs 2 man maximum to assist in his daily living. now he discharged with able to walk in assistance, able to speak and eat. he is not back to what he used to be but at least he gets his second life back. being part of the caregiver, the is the most satisfying filling that ever had, and it melts all the hard times and frustrations that I have in work. that's a lot of stories about that but hahaha just skipped.

thus Mr Y. experiencing a stroke, came in with ADL assist. on the day he discharged. He was walking independently to home! you know how excited of my heart, I was so touched that their life get to have another new life, I truly understand that they can not expectable to back to normal but to adapt as a new lifestyle. This is the reason I am still being a nurse. I am not knowledgeable, I still can not handle any emergency situation or come with a professional decision when needed. or giving any useful and precious opinion, but I am truly wanted to be a nurse that able to perform what I mentioned above.

How many times I been cried and wanted to give up this journey. not because I failed. It's I am afraid to have a failure on my hand. I am so scared that because of me did something that I can't reverse. But who never failed while on a learning journey. When I vent out my worries, everyone told me not to be afraid, it's a faith, it's a must in this growth. Life has once, I have to be brave and acceptive. and I am adjusting.


so for relationship issues. I am still single! hey, my Mr Right where are you? Why you still missing in action? you lost your way? I need you. Earlier on, was a guy came to me and asked for the number and tried to talk with me. and I was a stunt for a while, I gave my number because I been begging for someone who loves me to come, and I am not sure he is the one? And I did wanna try. but I rejected. or I stopped him. If he is not my right one, why I have to fall in sick of getting relationship and never be considerate and fall for him? I will hurt both of us, and ruin our life. After that, he gave up. Obviously, he knew that we can't work anymore. but what if he really likes me, he won't give up so easily right? my heart only can open to the one who truly loves me from the bottom of my heart and put in the effort for me to let me step out and say yes. I will never say if never meet this right one.

I tried social apps, but I really can not swipe right, It's hard for me. He was so strange. I totally know nothing from him. how can we work? two people so lucky get along to each other, definitely because both of us experiencing something, and we found good and bad from each other.  My heartbeat raised faster because of you, my lips always lifted up because you deserve my smile. I rather being single, neither to become sick of getting boyfriend and break my rules.

Dear, Mr Right. All I want from you is ur heart, sincerely, loyalty, all you need from me just me.

A/w next update of my life.