message to myself

hey tho, i have nothing to talk about, but just feeling like wanna start typing out what come across.
currently just out my head under in-charge of final year project video filming. it was like director, narrator?  funny thing was just realized been trying hard to work in team.. i mean, ya group work is good, but some how just idea been delivered and no one care about it..or been used to that people need to follow according mine? or either i follow them? its terrible if cant suit myself into others. its like non productive work seh..
its a must to learn listening and thinking whats wrong whats right. and have a good decision making in a rational phase. being a leader i dont think i am that material, but surrender myself to do good my task i will be a good choice of follower or working partner. ha perhaps.

nothing just happen out of the blue, its just my mind shut on so sudden. and lead me to feel overwhelmed. the workloads, the worries, the responsibilities just like mountain that kind can suffocate me.

i have no idea i been put myself in what position, what kind of attitude to making things right and good, but i must make it clear to myself that, i must make some flying color on my task, at least done it perfectly with my best effort.
so dear lee yen ling, u better listen clear now,
now itsnt a game or a dream. u have to take action, and push urself hard and move move move. pls just say no to stop, later, give up or any damn suck words. u have to be the one that u like to put in effort and doing good things, and impressed people that kind.
i never and ever allow u social loafting from ur grp work and either ur video. do something that u want, no something a homework only. do something big!

混乱

世上总有一种感觉就是自己没有，看到别人有就是无限的嫉妒。

没想到我自己也是这样的人而已。

迷失的目标，把我延后得远远的，我跟终点还是越来越远了。
不舍得是止步的人生，
不甘愿的是一成不变的自己，
不争气的是有心无力。

情绪好混杂/
想难过也没有一个目标。

身边突然安静下来。好怪。

最近很多的奇怪想法涌上心头/
像是别人不要的变成我渴望要的。
不可能要得的，我却拼命的想要争夺回来。
自己有的，却想越抓越紧。

混乱。

想要被占据。
想要属于什么的。谁的。

可是为什么我的他不出现？
为什么我没有他的影子。
为什么我没有。

我真的很简单，让他成为我的所有。
我不想要卑微的像猎人寻找猎物。
好奇怪的感觉，觉得自己很不要脸。

我知道她心里会想什么。
因为我是她，我会做一样的事情。
成为别人的猎物。

我妒忌心真的很大，我也快受不了自己了。