我有一个我控制不到的人生。或是暂时控制不到。
我有一个快要散的家。
我有一个在外流浪的奶奶，
我有一个固执不解温柔的爸爸，
我有一个已失去自我的妈妈，
我有一个已经关闭心房和关心的自己。
我，无能为力。
姐姐们说，偶尔会看到奶奶一个人流浪在大街小巷里，独自一人，语言不知道还相通，我听到的是心酸。一个年迈的婆婆走在路上，我是路人我看到责怪的是他的家人们对他的忽视，和不负责任。一个老人家在一个陌生的地方，冒险的是被撞，被骗的风险，随时家里会被警察联络上说我们对老人家的疏忽照顾吧，我在等这一天，家里的大人们才会正视这个问题。再坏的人，应该也不值得这样的下场吧。对不起 奶奶，我什么都做不到，对不起真心的对不起。
谁人有能力可以让奶奶和有家的人住在一起，有人照顾奶奶，有人陪奶奶说话，有人...
你的孩子们是人吗？
为什么他们都这样？外面比你坏的人更多更坏，但为什么你落得如此。
为什么你孩子忍心看你一个人流浪，忍心看你每一天对着四面墙壁 空荡荡的家独自发呆
想说话没有人懂 想煮饭没有人吃 想问问题没有人解答
一个人老人家这个年龄不是这样的。 对不起。
我 是一个怪物
一个不孝顺 不会做家人的人
我是一个不折不扣不被人喜欢的人
对自己的家人冷言相待掩饰自己不敢说的话
对自己的朋友守候不了责怪自己的隔离
对自己的人生迷迷惑惑不负责任的自己
我的除了对不起 我真的不知道能说什么。
Hello, It's Nice To Meet You
Saturday, 26 August 2017
Wednesday, 2 August 2017
第六话 6th convo
since the very first time can sense you are there for me, after all there's like no link and connection between us anymore. I guess probably I miss you too much and u no longer existing? Am I giving up? I don't know, I was deseparated and hurt. Past few weeks my tears can fill up a big jar, my sadness as heavier as a mountain, my lips dropped till my toes. I need fresh air to breath, I need some energy to bring me up. Where are you? You don't need me at all? Why I needed you? I'm sorry.
Do u know recently I recalled back of the him. I dreamed him. I missed him. How much I wish to hug him as tight as possible, never let him go away. The post dream syndrome been making me so Low and fragile. I need a shield to protect me, I need a hand pull me out from my illusion. I need you bring me reality. Baby, I don't want to waste any one more day that can be with you. I don't want my love and care and concern and everything put on a wrong person. I wish all that belong to you only for you.
As a strong woman we need to enjoy every single day that still free from controlling, free from being someone's else, no need to think about what can do better for you, make any decision no need put anyone at first place first, do as crazy as you can, play as fun as you can...enjoy every single day that you iblybbelong to you yourself. I know, and I am. Days go by, you still wish that beside you there are someone share happiness share food share time share every feelings with you. 2is better than 1. Those freedom needed by people who used to tight with a rope and stay in a box.
Recently, exams, assignments, presentations been settled down, and life strict to nothing. Life sudden turns so meaningless and without and direction. I'm Glad that I found my habit and interests, w/o it I have no idea how bad I can turn to, how shameless I can be. Probably, workout, yoga, jogging, Swimming, walking around, exploring loneliness been occupied half of my year time, and this half year make my life so meaningful, and very passionate. I can feel how youth am I, how proud to myself.
I kinda need more exploring on my knowledge, I wish I able to read up more news and aware of the current situation, find out more interest topics, be a knowledgable person that it could be benefits on my critical thinking and the healthcare image for my future patients.
Being a year 3 nursing student, I can't wait for a chance to make myself serve for people, at the same time I do worry about my skills level appropriate to help out for patient? I doubt on myself. I only could wish I can do my best, never make mistakes that can contribute the a big complications, patient can have the best quality of care, the most important things is they able to have a fruitful and healthy life, that's all my aimed for my nursing life. I promise I will improve myself to make it as much as possible that I can :)
Do u know recently I recalled back of the him. I dreamed him. I missed him. How much I wish to hug him as tight as possible, never let him go away. The post dream syndrome been making me so Low and fragile. I need a shield to protect me, I need a hand pull me out from my illusion. I need you bring me reality. Baby, I don't want to waste any one more day that can be with you. I don't want my love and care and concern and everything put on a wrong person. I wish all that belong to you only for you.
As a strong woman we need to enjoy every single day that still free from controlling, free from being someone's else, no need to think about what can do better for you, make any decision no need put anyone at first place first, do as crazy as you can, play as fun as you can...enjoy every single day that you iblybbelong to you yourself. I know, and I am. Days go by, you still wish that beside you there are someone share happiness share food share time share every feelings with you. 2is better than 1. Those freedom needed by people who used to tight with a rope and stay in a box.
Recently, exams, assignments, presentations been settled down, and life strict to nothing. Life sudden turns so meaningless and without and direction. I'm Glad that I found my habit and interests, w/o it I have no idea how bad I can turn to, how shameless I can be. Probably, workout, yoga, jogging, Swimming, walking around, exploring loneliness been occupied half of my year time, and this half year make my life so meaningful, and very passionate. I can feel how youth am I, how proud to myself.
I kinda need more exploring on my knowledge, I wish I able to read up more news and aware of the current situation, find out more interest topics, be a knowledgable person that it could be benefits on my critical thinking and the healthcare image for my future patients.
Being a year 3 nursing student, I can't wait for a chance to make myself serve for people, at the same time I do worry about my skills level appropriate to help out for patient? I doubt on myself. I only could wish I can do my best, never make mistakes that can contribute the a big complications, patient can have the best quality of care, the most important things is they able to have a fruitful and healthy life, that's all my aimed for my nursing life. I promise I will improve myself to make it as much as possible that I can :)
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